She started to panic. Where was the switch to unlock the door? She kept pulling the handle, but the door wouldn't budge.
'How can I get out?'
She scrambled around the small cab of the truck, looking for something, anything, to break the window. She knew she could break the window herself, but not without severe damage to her arm. Soon, however, if she were still trapped, survival would be more important than keeping herself from injury.
‘Oh, now here's something useful,'
A tire iron. She raised her arm, then without reason, hesitated. She closed her eyes, turned away, and brought the tire iron down against the window. But the expected crash of shattering glass never came. She opened her eyes, and saw a dimly lit Led Zeppelin poster. She sat up, relieved.
'Only a dream, It was only a dream.'
She slumped back down into the comfort of pillows and stuffed animals, looking at the luminous red numbers of her alarm clock, and sighed. 3:19 AM. Still another 4 hours until she had to wake up. Closing her beautiful green-yellow eyes, her last thought before slipping off into unconsciousness was,
'It was only a dream...'
7:30 AM. She opened her eyes as her alarm screamed its morning song of repetitive annoying beeping. She hit the snooze button, and burrowed under the blankets to fall back asleep. 8 minutes later, the beeping started again, and she was forced to turn off her alarm lest she throw it against the wall. Her radio across the room went off with its alarm, but this one she liked.
"Breathe, breathe in the air, don't be afraid to care..."
Pink Floyd. Of course it made her happy. How could it not? She rose and slipped off her sleeping shirt. The mirror on her wall seemed to mock her puffy eyes and tousled hair. She grabbed a brush and set to go to battle on her head. After getting her hair under control, she studied her semi-naked form in the mirror. Her body was well formed; she had curves in all the right places: wonderfully formed hips, breasts not too big nor too small, tall and lean, but not anorexic-looking. She didn't think too much of her face with all of her pre-teen acne scarring, but she had a cute little button nose, full dark pink lips, and long wavy black hair.
But it was her eyes that seemed to entrance people, and not just the boys. They were an equal mix of green and yellow, with a hairline of cerulean around the outside of the irises. She could change peoples' minds when she held their eyes in a gaze for longer than a minute, and she had used this tool for her own ends, but not too much, because she feared what she could really accomplish with that kind of power.
She looked away, slightly intimidated by her own body, and proceeded to dress. She grabbed a tight pair of light-colored blue jeans and her favorite black belt that she wore with everything. She was searching through her dresser drawer for a top when a call came from downstairs.
"Kae, breakfast is waiting for you!"
She sighed, straightened up with a black tank top with beige lace clutched in her hand. She pulled the top down over her head and ran down the stairs barefoot. There was her breakfast, thoughtfully prepared for her, always when she didn't want it. Kae sighed again, thinking of how many times she had tried to tell her mother that she didn't want breakfast this early in the morning, especially right after she had woken up. It was no use; her mother only insisted that she needed food in the morning for a good day. She ate quickly to avoid having to take her younger sister to school. If she left early enough, her sister would have to ride the bus.
Kae launched out of her seat as soon as she was finished eating, grabbed her keys and a light sweater, slipped on her black-and-white Vans, and raced out to her car.
"Bye Kae! Have a good day at school!"
She spent ten minutes of almost every morning driving down the road, singing along with some obscure song on the morning radio. It was her temporary respite, because it was one of the only times in her whole day the she was alone. Once she got to school, she would be surrounded by a multitude of people she didn't know, and people she didn't want to know.
She arrived at school with ten minutes to the bell, and walked around the theatre building to find her newest project: Adam. He was one of those tough boys, and just liked to have a girl around to do what he wanted with. Everyone was afraid of him, even the teachers, but only because of his black clothes. Kae's goal was to try and make him beg her for anything. She spotted his black leather jacket and shiny chains a long way off and slowly ambled in his direction. Adam soon saw her and almost immediately left his friends to go straight towards her. She smiled to herself, thinking that she was going to prove her friends wrong. All of them doubted that he could be so easily changed.
"Kae---what's up?" he asked even before he was within 15 feet of her.
"Oh, you know, just, the usual." she replied, rather lamely she thought.
He was quiet, looking intently at her through his black eyes. Kae didn't think she had ever been looked at so hard before. For the first time she could ever remember, she began to get uncomfortable in his gaze.
'Damn,' she thought, 'why did I have to dress like this?'
She let him study her for a few seconds longer, then broke the long silence.
"What's your first class again?"
He seemed to break free of his semi-trance and answered something incoherent. She was trying to think of something else to say when the bell rang, saving her from the embarrassing moment.
"Let's go," she suggested.
They walked in the direction of their classes, both right across the hall from each other, exchanging some talk and just trying to think of anything to say. Every morning when Kae walked into her 1st period art class, she felt a little lonely after being in the somewhat-powerful presence of Adam. She didn't know what it was; he just felt like he had so much hidden potential and possibly dangerous power. Maybe it was something like her eye magic.
Halfway through class, there was a loud knock on the door .The teacher, Ms. Holovoet, opened the door, and there stood the most beautiful creature Kae had ever beheld. But how odd, he looked exactly like a twin brother would. The same unruly black hair, same nose, same lips, and most startling of all, the same exact yellow-green eyes with the bit of cerulean around the edges. They looked each other in the eyes, and knew each other. In that small fraction of time, they understood every hardship of the other, every bad thought, every sad moment. They took on each other's sorrows and joys. In that moment, Kae forgot all thoughts of Adam and instead only concerned her whole being on this new one who seemed to materialize.
Ms. Holovoet looked confused at the minimal interplay from both the new kid and Kae even though neither had moved or spoke or even done anything obvious at all. She judged it better to let them sit together lest they cause something to happen.
"Hi. My name is Reagan. I just moved here. The principal sent me over in this direction. This is my first class."
She directed him over to the table where Kae sat and left to go back to the front of the room. Kae looked at Reagan with interest, and he saw her identical eyes filled with questions.
"Not here, not now, but I will tell you everything you need to know soon," he whispered mysteriously.
She turned back to the front of class and tried to concentrate on her work. When the bell rang for the end of class, she turned to him with the same questioning eyes. He led her out of the room, past the astounded looks of Adam's friends, and past Adam's own hurt look. He tried to get her attention, but she didn't appear to hear or see him.
Reagan launched right into explanations of why he had come: "The Great Mother sent me to warn you and help you. You are in grave danger. There is a group, a cult if you will, of us, the dark beings with the yellow-green eyes. We call ourselves Animajerians. We are born randomly to parents throughout the world, specializing in mind control through our gaze. Ordinary humans fall into the trap of our trances. Only some other being with even slight magic can resist. The more powerful of us can fool even those with magical ability, but there are too few of us that powerful. Your new interest, Adam, I believe he calls himself now, is an evil breed of our close human cousins, called Frioliths. His sworn goal, since the beginning of time, has been to destroy as many Animajerians as he can. He magics himself into the form of an attractive teen and lures the youngest of ours who are unsuspecting and usually undiscovered by us. He will try and kill you. You can come and join our group and swear by a Blood Oath to stop all evil, or you can try and kill him on your own."
Kae looked at him with a startled gaze, and didn't even know what to think. It was too much for her to comprehend in so little time. As weird as it sounded, she knew instinctively that it was true, at least somewhat.
"I don't know; I need time to think about all of this,"
"Oh, you don't have to decide right away. I'm merely here for your protection against the Friolith." Reagan replied nonchalantly.
Kae seemed to go through the rest of her classes in a daze. She didn't have any other classes with Reagan, but she always saw him discreetly keeping an eye on her between every passing period. He was like a ghost. She didn't see Adam again either; maybe he was avoiding her. She didn't go looking for him. She had a lot to think about. Adam was trying to kill her? It made some small sense; after all he was a dark and mysterious person. She hadn't even bothered to research his background and find out anything about him. Now here was Reagan, supposedly trying to protect her. But against Adam? It was all too much. She was so confused. She just needed to be alone.
She ran out of school when the last bell rang and got in her car and left. She called her mom, and told her she was going to a friend's to study for a while. Kae then went to a place she hadn't visited in a long time: the Graveyard. As she was driving there, it began to get cloudy, and then misty. She hoped it wouldn't rain. As she pulled up, it began to rain lightly.
'Oh well, it's not like it matters that much if I get wet.'
She got out of her car and walked around, the damp slowly seeping into her clothing. She wound her way through the headstones, not really paying attention to where she was going, and ended up in front of a particular headstone. It read, "Here lies Alfred, loving husband, father, and friend. May he rest in eternal peace and paradise."
The unwilling tears that had been forming all day finally spilled over her cheeks. She didn't want to see this headstone that had meaning to her. It was her father's. What could she tell him? How sorry she was that she hadn't come to visit him even though it was only his earthly remains and not his being buried in a box six feet under dirt? She crouched in the slowly forming mud, and sobbed like she couldn't bear living.
She stayed there for almost 15 minutes, sobbing and rocking back and forth, until she was startled by a familiar voice.
"Kae! Are you all right?"
She swiveled her head and saw through her nearly swollen-shut eyes Adam. She didn't know what to think. If he really was trying to kill her, now was his perfect chance. She was scared, but she intended to go down fighting as hard as she could. Adam looked genuinely concerned for her, and grabbed her arms and pulled her into a standing position. At once, he sensed her reluctance and stiffness, so he let go. He looked her in those beautiful eyes she had, and felt confused and not a little scared; her look was so piercing and full of mistrust that it alarmed him.
"What's wrong with you? I saw you this morning walking with some boy, and you looked upset. Tell me what's wrong. I want to help."
His pleading only made her more scared for her life. She didn't know what to do. He could kill her right here, right now, and nobody would know what happened. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but the only sound that came out was one strangled, whimpered word:
"Friolith..."
Immediately, Adam's look turned dark. His own eyes glowed with hate. He could barely get control of his own lips, and twist them to allow him to speak.
"Those––selfish bastards––how could they––they hate me––I thought I'd left them behind."
He almost lost control. She could now see that his malice was for Reagan, and whomever he was working with. He disciplined himself to some form of calm, and explained.
"That one who calls himself Reagan, he is the one you need to watch out for. That cult of theirs, that is the trap they try to set on all who look like them. All humans have eye magic; some just feel it stronger than others. They recruit people who look like them. I try to save those who could fall victim to their trickery, like you. I'll bet almost anything that Reagan told you I would try to kill you, right?"
She nodded silently, her eyes threatening to let loose a flood of tears.
"Well, if I was trying to kill you and enslave your soul, don't you think I would have done it already?"
She didn't even bother to respond. She felt so torn and pulled apart. How could she answer a question like that?
"Would you like some proof? I can show you something that might convince you."
Without waiting for her, he pulled a crumpled-up paper out of his jacket. It was two pictures. The one on the top was of Adam, and a girl that looked like she could be his sister. Below that was a picture of a crime scene, with the little girl. She was laying on the bare floor of a house, and on the bare wall behind the body, was written, in what disgustingly looked like blood, were the words, 'Friolith in life, Animajerian in death. Be warned Adam!'
"They killed her because she wouldn't join their cult. She was so innocent, had no idea of the potential power that lurked everywhere around her. She was my little sister. They killed her in the ritual way, so her soul would become theirs. It makes them stronger in their pursuit of me. I don't want the same thing to happen to you. You're worth so much more to me and this world than to be so easily killed."
He said these last words looking at the ground. Kae could see tears that weren't hers plopping onto the paper. She grabbed his shaking hands, more to steady herself than him. He looked up at her, and for the first time, she tried to focus her ill-trained eyes onto him. The more she concentrated, the more she felt she was losing herself in him. She looked into his black eyes, and saw the world. She saw all of his hardships, fears, worries, dreams, hopes, and sorrows. She saw he was telling the truth.
Instinctively, she knew this was what Reagan had talked about, to some small extent, when they had first met. She knew also that only Adam could have allowed her access to all of those emotions and thoughts. She saw his true feelings for her, although him allowing her to see his very being was as much of a hint as the actual feelings for her that she saw tangibly.
Unexpectedly, the connection broke. She was shocked, and almost stumbled and fell, but Adam caught her. She was so close to his face, she could see that his dark eyelashes were tipped with blonde. He had a similar look of shock on his face, which quickly turned to one of so many different emotions. She didn't know what was going through her head, except the very loud thought that she wanted him. Not to kiss him, not to hold him, not to sleep with him, but just, him. Everything about him she wanted, and everything about him she could have.
Without resistance, she allowed him to read her most insistent thoughts, and he smiled. She didn't know which one of them initiated that first touch of lips, but it was divine. At the time in her life when everything seemed the most helpless and unsettled and dangerous, here was Adam, lending a helping hand, and giving her his soul.
A fierce longing rose in Kae, and she could feel a similar commotion going on in Adam's body too. He whispered, “Not here. We can be found here."
“I have to go home anyway. My mom doesn't even know I'm here.”
He wouldn't let her go home by herself, and he wasn't satisfied until he saw her in through the front door.
“Be careful Adam. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”
“You’re something worth getting hurt for,” he replied, and then walked off into the darkening street.
Kae could hardly believe it. She had gotten her wish, in a bizarre way. She had wanted Adam, but she had hardly expected for it to work out like this.
Her morning routine was much the same as before, with the rushing to look for clothes and hurriedly eating a breakfast that she didn’t want. When she got to school, everyone was rushing around the parking lot, holding fistfuls of flyers. A boy ran up to Kae and stuffed a few in her hand.
“There’s a rave tonight! Everyone’s going. It’s supposed to be the best one of the year,” he said loudly with wide, excited eyes.
He ran off to distribute more flyers, and Kae went to go find Adam. She held up her flyer as she walked up to him, and he grinned.
“Do you want to go?” She asked him.
“Hell yeah! I love raves! They’re the greatest!”
“When should we leave?”
“It starts at 9 o’clock, right? Then we should probably leave around 8 since it’ll take awhile to get out there and get in. Do you want me or you to drive?”
“I’ll drive,” Kae volunteered. “I don’t like being in the passenger seat of a car.”
Adam and Kae walked to class as usual, and then she froze right outside the door to her classroom. Reagan was in there. How could she face him and tell him that she did or didn’t believe him about Adam?
“I’m not going in there,” she said with dread.
Adam gently pushed her into the classroom, whispering, “You have to. He’ll get suspicious and he’ll try something against you or me or both of us.”
She reluctantly walked into the room, and slowly made her way to her table. She smiled at Reagan to keep his mind at ease, but the look on his face was enough to tell her that he knew everything about how she hadn’t believed a word of what he’d said the day before. He did, for the most part. She didn’t think he would try anything with everyone here, so she dozed a little, going in and out of reality.
Towards the end of class, she thought she heard a low whisper saying, “Watch out. You’re going to get what you deserve, along with him!”
She turned towards him with questioning eyes, but he looked as if nothing had happened or been said.
The day went by quickly, and as Kae made her way home, she was trying to think up something she could tell her mom so she would be able to leave.
‘I’ll tell her I’m spending the night with one of my friends.’
Kae got into her car with an extra set of clothes, toothbrush, shoes, and some other unnecessary items she would need to have a night away from home. She met Adam outside of his house, and he ran out to the car when she drove up. He dove in the front seat, leaned over, and kissed her hard, all in one motion. She looked a little bit startled, and it made Adam laugh.
“Don’t worry baby, I just felt like I needed to do that,”
She shrugged a little, and said, “Lets get in a rave-mood,”
They drove towards the highway, while Adam browsed through her iPod looking for some good trance. He stopped on some ATB, and got out some glo-stix and started the repetitive hand motions of raving. They made their way along the roads until they got to the warehouse the rave was at. Kae parked and, grabbed two glo-stix and a tab of ecstasy, the only drug she would use, and rarely at that. She stood outside of her car, and Adam tossed her a bottle of orange juice to swallow it with. She took it, threw the bottle back into the car, and they both hurried to the front entrance. Adam was raving the whole time they waited in line, while Kae got a little jittery. They got inside, and looked around. The effects of the ex were starting; she could feel her blood get hot, her limbs get looser, and most of all, Adam standing close behind her, feeling the same thing.
He leaned close to her ear, and said, “Let’s have some fun,”
She pulled the glo-stix from her pocket and cracked them. Once entwined in her fingers, she began those same repetitive motions and twists that make up raving.
“PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT, DJ KASANOVA!” a voice said over the PA system.
The DJ came out and stood at the turntables, and put on the first song; Ecstasy, by ATB. Kae and Adam both screamed wildly with the rest of the crowd, and started dancing. All Kae could hear was the blaring music and the loud footfall of 200 people.
The lights were spinning all around her; nothing was clearly visible. Suddenly, an arm snaked around her lower torso from behind. Thinking it was Adam, she started dancing close to him, feeling the heat radiating from both their bodies. But it wasn’t Adam. She began to panic when another arm curled around her neck and started to choke her. With difficulty, she turned and looked into those yellow-green eyes that were so familiar to her. He forced her back around, put his hand over her mouth and dragged her to the back of the building. She tried as hard as she could to struggle free, but Reagan’s grip on her was almost crushing. They could still hear the music and the crowd as loud as before, yet they were totally alone in a storage room behind the stage. With his hand still covering her mouth, his other hand started to creep downward.
‘What am I going to do?’
Just as Reagan’s hand was undoing her jeans, she bit him as hard as she could; she felt the warm flow of his blood straight into her mouth and down her cheeks. Instantly, he let go and screamed, holding his wounded hand to his stomach. He looked at her with such hate and rage, but she didn’t stop to look and bolted. As soon as she cleared the doorway back to the dance floor, she banged into Adam. He looked both frightened and puzzled at her disheveled and bloodstained clothes and face.
“We need to leave now! Reagan’s here, and he just tried to kill me!”
Kae lost control and started crying and stumbling over her words. Adam picked her up and carried her through the warehouse and out the door. The bouncer didn’t try to stop them, which was weird. He just stood against the wall, as rigid as a board, not blinking. Adam put Kae into the front seat and ran around to the other side to get in the driver’s seat. On the way home, he stopped at a store so he could get them both some water. He left Kae in the car, resting. She barely heard the back door open and somebody get in behind her, but she did notice and struggled when the unknown person shoved a white cloth to her nose and mouth with the sickly-sweet scent of chloroform.
When Kae regained consciousness, she was sitting in a dark place. She recognized the cloth seats and stuffy air immediately. She turned and hit the window of the truck with the side of her fist.
‘Oh no. Not here. Anywhere but here!’
She started to panic. Where was the switch to unlock the door? She kept pulling the handle, but the door wouldn't budge. Everything was following along her dream from a few nights before, so she scrambled around the truck looking for the tire iron that she knew was there, except it wasn’t. She searched desperately for something, anything.
With relief, she felt the handle of something metal underneath her seat. She pulled it out, but even before she saw it she knew it was a gun.
Kae studied the handgun with interest, and then popped out the clip; it was loaded.
Without a second thought, she covered her face and smashed the window. It was hard for her to crawl out the window; she could still feel the effects of the chloroform. She looked around, trying to recognize something familiar. She seemed to be in a dark parking lot in a neighborhood. She started running along the sidewalk, what direction she didn’t know or care. She just wanted to be anywhere else that the truck and Reagan might be.
Jogging along the street, she noticed somebody following her, far behind. Kae ran faster, but not too much faster so they wouldn’t notice. A street was coming up on her left. When she got to it, she made a mad dash down the street while looking in between the houses she was racing by for a hiding place. Kae darted next to a particularly dark house and crouched down behind the air conditioning unit, waiting to see if the stalker would follow her down the side street. She saw him run by slowly, obviously searching for her. It was Reagan. She heard his footsteps die away, and she crept from her hiding spot.
Kae went back to the main street and ran towards downtown. She encountered Adam at the corner next to the parking lot, who was frantic because he couldn’t find her. They crushed each other hugging. She felt somewhat safe for the first time in what had seemed like years.
“Come on, we need to leave here now.”
They started walking back towards the parking lot to Kae’s car. She looked down and saw that she still had the gun clutched in her hand. She was about to drop it when they heard a creepy voice behind them.
“Now where do you two think you’re going?”
Without thinking, Kae turned quickly and aimed right at Reagan. Without thinking, she pulled the trigger once, twice, three times, again and again until the clip was empty. 22 bullets, all in that cursed body of his. Kae and Adam both were splattered in blood, but she didn’t care. All that mattered was that they had gotten through the night alive, and Reagan was gone forever, and she and Adam could live in peace.
“Let’s go. This has gone on too long.”
With that, Adam led a trembling Kae to her car and seated her in the front passenger seat.
“Is he still on the ground?” Kae asked quietly.
Adam looked over to make sure that Reagan was still there, not moving.
“Yes. It’s over Kae. We won.”
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Free Verse
Doesn't follow iambic pentameter and has no specific form except that it is recognizable as a poem.
Trance Emotions
Moving, twising, flowing; it's all part of the dance.
"I'm in love with the DJ. Till you know, play my song Mr. DJ."
Twisting and curling your fingers and hands,
Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
Light and colors are everywhere.
Your brain rushes along with your heart.
You feel shivers and sweat at the same time.
Your eyes never stop moving.
There's nothing like that particular rush.
You're happy; you feel like you could do anything,
And you could.
Nothing can stop you.
You're on top of the world.
Welcome to the delights of ecstacy.
"This is a journey into trance, this is a journey into trance..."
You close your eyes and sway your head lightly.
Hearing these incredible sounds,
Weave through your thoughts and realities is indescribable.
It makes you happy.
It makes you want to move.
It makes you want to dance.
Welcome to the delights of ecstasy.
"The bass, the beats, the melody. I can hear the melody, listen to my harmony."
It sends you into a literal trance.
Maybe it's just a state of mind.
How do you know?
It's all relative, different from person to person.
You unconciously curl and uncurl your fingers,
Moving them in those cursed raving motions.
Or you hit the nearst hard surface,
And tap out that addicting beat.
Welcome to the delights of ecstacy.
Trance Emotions
Moving, twising, flowing; it's all part of the dance.
"I'm in love with the DJ. Till you know, play my song Mr. DJ."
Twisting and curling your fingers and hands,
Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
Light and colors are everywhere.
Your brain rushes along with your heart.
You feel shivers and sweat at the same time.
Your eyes never stop moving.
There's nothing like that particular rush.
You're happy; you feel like you could do anything,
And you could.
Nothing can stop you.
You're on top of the world.
Welcome to the delights of ecstacy.
"This is a journey into trance, this is a journey into trance..."
You close your eyes and sway your head lightly.
Hearing these incredible sounds,
Weave through your thoughts and realities is indescribable.
It makes you happy.
It makes you want to move.
It makes you want to dance.
Welcome to the delights of ecstasy.
"The bass, the beats, the melody. I can hear the melody, listen to my harmony."
It sends you into a literal trance.
Maybe it's just a state of mind.
How do you know?
It's all relative, different from person to person.
You unconciously curl and uncurl your fingers,
Moving them in those cursed raving motions.
Or you hit the nearst hard surface,
And tap out that addicting beat.
Welcome to the delights of ecstacy.
Monday, November 27, 2006
SENRYU
5-7-5, three-line with an open subject, inculding the human side of existance, subjective viewpoint, and incorporating at times, even humor and political content.
Pushing for ruin,
In this, our mighty country.
The journey will end.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
ACROSTICS
Acrostic is defined as a short verse composition, so constructed that the initial letters of the lines, taken consecutively, form words. Acrostic may or may not rhyme.
Lifting you up
Outside the limits of your mind.
Vaulting you into the clouds;
Everything is wonderful.
Is evil or dark dispair possible?
Should I be worried?
He gives me no fears;
Everything is going to be wonderful.
At the least notice,
Round and round your world spins.
Tomorrow has to be better,
But everything only gets worse.
Realizing your worst fears;
Everything was once wonderful,
Always wondering if you will be sane again,
Knowing that your feelings are forever tainted.
Being the greatest, or so she thought .
It shows who she really is.
The evil gleam in her eyes,
Caught in the act;
Her reputaion fixed forever.
Lifting you up
Outside the limits of your mind.
Vaulting you into the clouds;
Everything is wonderful.
Is evil or dark dispair possible?
Should I be worried?
He gives me no fears;
Everything is going to be wonderful.
At the least notice,
Round and round your world spins.
Tomorrow has to be better,
But everything only gets worse.
Realizing your worst fears;
Everything was once wonderful,
Always wondering if you will be sane again,
Knowing that your feelings are forever tainted.
Being the greatest, or so she thought .
It shows who she really is.
The evil gleam in her eyes,
Caught in the act;
Her reputaion fixed forever.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Poem Types
I can't figure out 4 types to pick from because in general, poetry is not to my liking. However, I have chosen 2 forms: haiku and tanka.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Horror: My Happy Place, Pt. II
He came back. Mother was at home with James and I. She answered the knock on the front door. I looked around the doorway from the kitchen, and saw him stab her with a long metal dagger with a garnet on the pommel. He was ragged, thin, and gaunt. His hair was stringy; his clothing had numerous holes, was torn up, and was wet, dripping droplets onto the hardwood floor where only a few weeks earlier it had felt my mother’s tears. I ran to my room, opened the door to my closet, and climbed up onto the to shelf to open the ceiling panel to the attic. I huddled in there, hoping against hope that he wouldn’t think to come looking for me. I heard him crashing around the house and loud banging on a door. Then, to my horror, I heard James scream. It was cut off quickly. My tears overflowed my eyes and spilled onto the floor of the attic. Was this house so cursed that it had to have tears shed in every part of it?
I waited, numbly, until the house was quiet. I couldn’t even move if I wanted to. Slowly, I regained control of my body, and I crawled out of my hiding spot. My door was open, but my room was untouched. I walked through the hall to my brother’s room, saw him lying there, and rushed to kneel by his side. His eyes were open but not seeing, his mouth open but not breathing, his fingers curled into fists but hitting nothing. His throat had a long slash across it, dark red and crusting over with drying blood. Only a single tear fell onto his upturned face. I stood and ran to the front hall where Mother had been. She was lying in a similar position to James, her eyes closed. Except for the horrible gaping cut on her neck and the terrible look of pain on her face, she could have been sleeping. Once again, only one tear made its way down my cheek and plopped onto the floor. I had cried myself dry.
I went to my parents’ room, and found that the dresser had been completely torn apart in my father’s attempt to find whatever he was looking for. I found a crumpled-up, bloodstained paper on the floor. I bent down to examine it, and found it to be a letter to my father. It was a suicide note from someone named Carla, saying how she couldn’t bear to live with the thought that she had turned him into the monster that he was with all the drugs.
I sat there, stunned. This was the reason my father was such a horrible monster? It all suddenly made sense: the yelling, the complete obedience he expected, the paranoia, and the mood swings. I went to the garage, grabbed a hatchet, and went out the front door. There he was, waiting for me, at the end of the sidewalk. We looked at each other, and then he turned and ran. I gave chase, but I couldn’t catch up. In a last attempt, I threw the hatchet, and it landed square in his back. He dropped his knife. I ran to pick it up, and impaled the back of his neck. I heard it crack; my nightmare could finally be over.
I waited, numbly, until the house was quiet. I couldn’t even move if I wanted to. Slowly, I regained control of my body, and I crawled out of my hiding spot. My door was open, but my room was untouched. I walked through the hall to my brother’s room, saw him lying there, and rushed to kneel by his side. His eyes were open but not seeing, his mouth open but not breathing, his fingers curled into fists but hitting nothing. His throat had a long slash across it, dark red and crusting over with drying blood. Only a single tear fell onto his upturned face. I stood and ran to the front hall where Mother had been. She was lying in a similar position to James, her eyes closed. Except for the horrible gaping cut on her neck and the terrible look of pain on her face, she could have been sleeping. Once again, only one tear made its way down my cheek and plopped onto the floor. I had cried myself dry.
I went to my parents’ room, and found that the dresser had been completely torn apart in my father’s attempt to find whatever he was looking for. I found a crumpled-up, bloodstained paper on the floor. I bent down to examine it, and found it to be a letter to my father. It was a suicide note from someone named Carla, saying how she couldn’t bear to live with the thought that she had turned him into the monster that he was with all the drugs.
I sat there, stunned. This was the reason my father was such a horrible monster? It all suddenly made sense: the yelling, the complete obedience he expected, the paranoia, and the mood swings. I went to the garage, grabbed a hatchet, and went out the front door. There he was, waiting for me, at the end of the sidewalk. We looked at each other, and then he turned and ran. I gave chase, but I couldn’t catch up. In a last attempt, I threw the hatchet, and it landed square in his back. He dropped his knife. I ran to pick it up, and impaled the back of his neck. I heard it crack; my nightmare could finally be over.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Sci-fi Attempt
I was standing at the window, looking at nothing in particular.The birds flying, the cars driving, the trees swaying in the breeze, it was all stopped instantly. Nothing moved; everything was as if it had been cast and set there as if it belonged there and nowhere else. Only I was mobile. Astoundedly, I looked up into the sky, and even the clouds weren't moving. I noticed that there was an odd discoloration almost directly over my house, a violet-colored hole. As I watched, it got bigger and bigger until it grew to the size of a car.
Friday, October 06, 2006
MAGIC EYES
She started to panic. Where was the switch to unlock the door? She kept pulling the handle, but the door wouldn't budge.
'How can I get out?'
She scrambled around the small cab of the truck, looking for something, anything, to break the window. She knew she could break the window herself, but not without severe damage to her arm. Soon, however, if she was still trapped, survival would be more important than keeping herself from injury.
‘Oh, now here's something useful,'
A tire iron. She raised her arm, then without reason, hesitated. She closed her eyes, turned away, and brought the tire iron down against the window. But the expected crash of shattering glass never came. She opened her eyes, and saw a dimly lit Led Zeppelin poster. She sat up, relieved.
'Only a dream. It was only a dream.'
She slumped back down into the comfort of pillows and stuffed animals, looking at the luminous red numbers of her alarm clock, and sighed. 3:19 AM. Still another 4 hours until she had to wake up. Closing her beautiful green-yellow eyes, her last thought before slipping off into unconsciousness was,
'It was only a dream...'
7:30 AM. She opened her eyes as her alarm screamed its morning song of repetitive annoying beeping. She hit the snooze button, and burrowed under the blankets to fall back asleep. 8 minutes later, the beeping started again, and she was forced to turn off her alarm lest she throw it against the wall. Her radio across the room went off with its alarm, but this one she liked.
"Breathe, breathe in the air, don't be afraid to care..."
Pink Floyd. Of course it made her happy. How could it not? She rose and slipped off her sleeping shirt. The mirror on her wall seemed to mock her puffy eyes and tousled hair. She grabbed a brush and set to go to battle on her head. After getting her hair under control, she studied her semi-naked form in the mirror. Her body was well formed; she had curves in all the right places: wonderfully formed hips, breasts not too big nor too small, tall and lean, but not anorexic-looking. She didn't think too much of her face with all of her pre-teen acne scarring, but she had a cute little button nose, full dark pink lips, and long wavy black hair. But it was her eyes that seemed to entrance people, and not just the boys. They were an equal mix of green and yellow, with a hairline of cerulean around the outside of the irises. She could change peoples' minds when she held their eyes in a gaze for longer than a minute, and she had used this tool for her own ends, but not too much, because she feared what she could really accomplish with that kind of power. She looked away, slightly intimidated by her own body, and proceeded to dress. She grabbed a tight pair of light-colored blue jeans and her favorite black belt that she wore with everything. She was searching through her dresser drawer for a top when a call came from downstairs.
"Kae, breakfast is waiting for you!"
She sighed, straightened up with a black tank top with beige lace clutched in her hand. She pulled the top down over her head and ran down the stairs barefoot. There was her breakfast, thoughtfully prepared for her, always when she didn't want it. Kae sighed again, thinking of how many times she had tried to tell her mother that she didn't want breakfast this early in the morning, especially right after she had woken up. It was no use; her mother only insisted that she needed food in the morning for a good day. She ate quickly to avoid having to take her younger sister to school. If she left early enough, her sister would have to ride the bus.
Kae launched out of her seat as soon as she was finished eating, grabbed her keys, a light sweater, slipped on her black-and-white Vans, and raced out to her car.
"Bye Kae! Have a good day at school!"
She spent 10 minutes of almost every morning driving down the road, singing along with some obscure song on the morning radio. It was her temporary respite, because it was one of the only times in her whole day the she was alone. Once she got to school, she would be surrounded by a multitude of people she didn't know, and people she didn't want to know.
She arrived at school with ten minutes to the bell, and walked around the theatre building to find her newest project: Adam. He was one of those tough boys, and just liked to have a girl around to do what he wanted with. Kae's goal was to change that, and try and make him beg her for anything. She spotted his black leather jacket and shiny chains a long way off, and slowly ambled in his direction. Adam soon saw her, and almost immediately left his friends to go straight towards her. She smiled to herself, thinking that she was going to prove her friends wrong. All of them doubted that he could be so easily changed.
"Kae---what's up?" he asked even before he was within 15 feet of her.
"Oh, you know, just, the usual..." she replied, rather lamely she thought.
He was quiet, looking intently at her, through his black eyes. Kae didn't think she had ever been looked at so hard before. For the first time she could ever remember, she began to get uncomfortable in his gaze.
'Damn,' she thought, 'why did I have to dress like this?'
She let him study her for a few seconds longer, then broke the long silence.
"What's your first class again?"
He seemed to break free of his semi-trance and answered something incoherent. She was trying to think of something else to say when the bell rang, saving her from the embarrassing moment.
"Let's go," she suggested.
They walked in the direction of their classes, both right across the hall from each other, exchanging some talk and just trying to think of anything to say. Every morning when Kae walked into her 1st period art class, she felt a little lonely after being in the somewhat-powerful presence of Adam. She didn't know what it was; he just felt like he had so much hidden potential and possibly dangerous power. Maybe it was something like her eye magic.
Halfway through class, there was a loud knock on the door. The teacher, Ms. Holovoet, opened the door, and there stood the most beautiful creature Kae had ever beheld. But how odd! He looked exactly like a twin brother would. The same unruly black hair, same nose, same lips, and most startling of all, the same exact yellow-green eyes with the bit of cerulean around the edges. They looked each other in the eyes, and saw their souls reflected. In that small fraction of time, they understood every hardship of the other, every bad thought, every sad moment. They took on each other's sorrows and joys, and their being molded into one right in front of their eyes. In that moment, Kae forgot all thoughts of Adam and instead only concerned her whole being on this new one who had seemed to materialize.
Ms. Holovoet looked confused at the minimal interplay from both the new kid and Kae even though neither had moved or spoke or even done anything obvious at all. She judged it better to let them sit together lest they cause something to happen.
"Hi. My name is Reagan. I just moved here. The principal sent me over in this direction. This is my first class."
She directed him over to the table that Kae sat at and left to go back to the front of the room. Kae looked at Reagan interestedly, and he saw her identical eyes filled with questions.
"Not here, not now, but I will tell you everything you need to know soon," he whispered mysteriously.
She turned back to the front of class and tried to concentrate on her work. When the bell rang for the end of class, she turned to him with the same questioning eyes. He led her out of the room, past the astounded looks of Adam's friends, and past Adam's own hurt look. He tried to get her attention, but she didn't appear to hear or see him.
Reagan launched right into explanations of why he had come: "The Great Mother sent me to warn you and help you. You are in grave danger. Little do you know, there is a group, a cult if you will, of us, the dark beings with the yellow-green eyes. We call ourselves Animajerians. We are born randomly to parents throughout the world, specializing in mind control through our gaze. Ordinary humans fall into the trap of our trances. Only some other being with even slight magic can resist. The more powerful of us can fool even those with magical ability, but there are too few of us that powerful. Your new interest, Adam, I believe he calls himself now, is an evil breed of our close human cousins, called Frioliths. His sworn goal, since the beginning of time, has been to destroy as many Animajerians as he can. He magics himself into the form of an attractive teen and lures the youngest of ours who are unsuspecting and usually undiscovered by us. He will try and kill you. You can come and join our group and be sworn on your blood to stop all evil, or you can try and kill him on your own."
Kae looked at him with a startled gaze, and didn't even know what to think. It was too much for her to comprehend in so little time.
"I don't know; I need time to think about all of this,"
"Oh, you don't have to decide right away. I'm merely here for your protection against the Friolith." Reagan replied nonchalantly.
Kae seemed to go through the rest of her classes in a daze. She didn't have any other classes with Reagan, but she always saw him discreetly keeping an eye on her between every passing period. She didn't see Adam again either; maybe he was avoiding her. She didn't go looking for him. She had a lot to think about. Adam was trying to kill her? It made some small sense; after all he was a dark and mysterious person. She hadn't even bothered to research his background and find out anything about him. Now here was Reagan, supposedly trying to protect her. Against Adam? It was all too much. She was so confused. She just needed to be alone.
She ran out of school when the last bell rang and got in her car and left. She called her mom, and told her she was going to a friend's to study for a while. Kae then went to a place she hadn't visited in a long time: the Graveyard. As she was driving there, it began to get cloudy, and then misty. She hoped it wouldn't rain. As she pulled up, it began to rain lightly.
'Oh well, it's not like it matters that much if I get wet.'
She got out of her car and walked around, the damp slowly seeping into her clothing. She wound her way through the headstones, not really paying attention to where she was going, and ended up in front of a particular headstone. It read, "Here lies Alfred, loving husband, father, and friend. May he rest in eternal peace and paradise." The unwilling tears that had been forming all day finally spilled over her cheeks. She didn't want to see this headstone that had meaning to her. It was her father's. What could she tell him? How sorry she was that she hadn't come to visit him even though it was only his earthly remains and not his being buried in a box six feet under dirt? She crouched in the slowly forming mud, and sobbed like she couldn't bear living.
She stayed there for almost 15 minutes, sobbing and rocking back and forth, until she was startled by a familiar voice.
"Kae! Are you all right?"
She swiveled her head and saw through her nearly swollen-shut eyes Adam. She didn't know what to think. If he really was trying to kill her, now was his perfect chance. She was scared, but she intended to go down fighting as hard as she could. Adam looked genuinely concerned for her, and grabbed her arms and pulled her into a standing position. At once, he sensed her reluctance and stiffness, so he let go. He looked her in those beautiful eyes she had, and felt confused and not a little scared; her look was so piercing and full of mistrust that it alarmed him.
"What's wrong with you? I saw you this morning walking with some boy, and you looked upset. Tell me what's wrong. I want to help."
His pleading only made her more scared for her life. She didn't know what to do. He could kill her right here, right now, and nobody would know what happened. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but the only sound that came out was one strangled, whimpered word:
"Friolith..."
Immediately, Adam's look turned dark. His own eyes glowed with hate. He could barely get control of his own lips, and twist them to allow him to speak.
"Those...selfish bastards...how could they...they hate me...I thought I'd left them behind..."
He almost lost control. She could now see that his malice was for Reagan, and whomever he was working with. He disciplined himself to some form of calm, and explained.
"That one who calls himself Reagan, he is the one you need to watch out for. That cult of theirs, that is the trap they try to set on all who look like them. All humans have eye magic, some just feel it stronger than others. They recruit people who look like them. I try to save those who could fall victim to their trickery, like you. I'll bet almost anything that Reagan told you I would try to kill you, right?"
She nodded silently, her eyes threatening to let loose a flood of tears.
"Well, if I was trying to kill you and enslave your soul, don't you think I would have done it already?"
She didn't even bother to respond. She felt so torn and pulled apart. How could she answer a question like that?
"Would you like some proof? I can show you something that might convince you."
Without waiting for her, he pulled a crumpled-up paper out of his jacket. It was two pictures. The one on the top was of Adam, and a girl that looked like she could be his sister. Below that was a picture of a crime scene, with the little girl. she was laying on the bare floor of a house, and on the bare wall behind the body, was written, in what disgustingly looked like blood, were the words, 'Friolith in life, Animajerian in death. Be warned Adam!'
"They killed her because she wouldn't join their cult. She was so innocent, had no idea of the potential power that lurked everywhere around her. She was my little sister. They killed her in the ritual way, so her soul would become theirs. It makes them stronger in their pursuit of me. I don't want the same thing to happen to you. You're worth so much more to me and this world than to be so easily killed."
He said these last words looking at the ground. Kae could see tears that weren't hers plopping onto the paper. She grabbed his shaking hands, more to steady herself than him. He looked up at her, and for the first time, she tried to focus her ill-trained eyes onto him. The more she concentrated, the more she felt she was losing herself in his own body. She looked into his black eyes, and saw the world. She saw all of his hardships, fears, worries, dreams, hopes, and sorrows. She saw he was telling the truth. Instinctively, she knew this was what Reagan had allowed her to do, to some small extent, when they had first met. She knew also that only Adam could have allowed her access to all of those emotions and thoughts. She also saw his true feelings for her, although him allowing her to see his very being was as much of a hint as the actual feelings for her that she saw tangibly.
Unexpectedly, the connection broke. she was shocked, and almost stumbled and fell, but Adam caught her. She was so close to his face, she could see that his dark eyelashes were tipped with blonde. He had a similar look of shock on his face, which quickly turned to one of so many different emotions. She didn't know what was going through her head, except the very loud thought that she wanted him. Not to kiss him, not to hold him, not to sleep with him, but just him. Everything about him she wanted, and everything about him she could have. Without resistance, she allowed him to read her most insistent thoughts, and he smiled. She didn't know which one of them initiated that first touch of lips, but it was divine. At the time in her life when everything seemed the most helpless and unsettled and dangerous, here was Adam, lending a helping hand, and giving her his soul.
A fierce longing rose in Kae, and she could feel a similar commotion going on in Adam's body too. He whispered, "Not here...we can be found here."
"I have to go home anyway. My mom doesn't even know I'm here."
He wouldn't let her go home by herself, and he wasn't satisfied until he saw her in through the front door.
'How can I get out?'
She scrambled around the small cab of the truck, looking for something, anything, to break the window. She knew she could break the window herself, but not without severe damage to her arm. Soon, however, if she was still trapped, survival would be more important than keeping herself from injury.
‘Oh, now here's something useful,'
A tire iron. She raised her arm, then without reason, hesitated. She closed her eyes, turned away, and brought the tire iron down against the window. But the expected crash of shattering glass never came. She opened her eyes, and saw a dimly lit Led Zeppelin poster. She sat up, relieved.
'Only a dream. It was only a dream.'
She slumped back down into the comfort of pillows and stuffed animals, looking at the luminous red numbers of her alarm clock, and sighed. 3:19 AM. Still another 4 hours until she had to wake up. Closing her beautiful green-yellow eyes, her last thought before slipping off into unconsciousness was,
'It was only a dream...'
7:30 AM. She opened her eyes as her alarm screamed its morning song of repetitive annoying beeping. She hit the snooze button, and burrowed under the blankets to fall back asleep. 8 minutes later, the beeping started again, and she was forced to turn off her alarm lest she throw it against the wall. Her radio across the room went off with its alarm, but this one she liked.
"Breathe, breathe in the air, don't be afraid to care..."
Pink Floyd. Of course it made her happy. How could it not? She rose and slipped off her sleeping shirt. The mirror on her wall seemed to mock her puffy eyes and tousled hair. She grabbed a brush and set to go to battle on her head. After getting her hair under control, she studied her semi-naked form in the mirror. Her body was well formed; she had curves in all the right places: wonderfully formed hips, breasts not too big nor too small, tall and lean, but not anorexic-looking. She didn't think too much of her face with all of her pre-teen acne scarring, but she had a cute little button nose, full dark pink lips, and long wavy black hair. But it was her eyes that seemed to entrance people, and not just the boys. They were an equal mix of green and yellow, with a hairline of cerulean around the outside of the irises. She could change peoples' minds when she held their eyes in a gaze for longer than a minute, and she had used this tool for her own ends, but not too much, because she feared what she could really accomplish with that kind of power. She looked away, slightly intimidated by her own body, and proceeded to dress. She grabbed a tight pair of light-colored blue jeans and her favorite black belt that she wore with everything. She was searching through her dresser drawer for a top when a call came from downstairs.
"Kae, breakfast is waiting for you!"
She sighed, straightened up with a black tank top with beige lace clutched in her hand. She pulled the top down over her head and ran down the stairs barefoot. There was her breakfast, thoughtfully prepared for her, always when she didn't want it. Kae sighed again, thinking of how many times she had tried to tell her mother that she didn't want breakfast this early in the morning, especially right after she had woken up. It was no use; her mother only insisted that she needed food in the morning for a good day. She ate quickly to avoid having to take her younger sister to school. If she left early enough, her sister would have to ride the bus.
Kae launched out of her seat as soon as she was finished eating, grabbed her keys, a light sweater, slipped on her black-and-white Vans, and raced out to her car.
"Bye Kae! Have a good day at school!"
She spent 10 minutes of almost every morning driving down the road, singing along with some obscure song on the morning radio. It was her temporary respite, because it was one of the only times in her whole day the she was alone. Once she got to school, she would be surrounded by a multitude of people she didn't know, and people she didn't want to know.
She arrived at school with ten minutes to the bell, and walked around the theatre building to find her newest project: Adam. He was one of those tough boys, and just liked to have a girl around to do what he wanted with. Kae's goal was to change that, and try and make him beg her for anything. She spotted his black leather jacket and shiny chains a long way off, and slowly ambled in his direction. Adam soon saw her, and almost immediately left his friends to go straight towards her. She smiled to herself, thinking that she was going to prove her friends wrong. All of them doubted that he could be so easily changed.
"Kae---what's up?" he asked even before he was within 15 feet of her.
"Oh, you know, just, the usual..." she replied, rather lamely she thought.
He was quiet, looking intently at her, through his black eyes. Kae didn't think she had ever been looked at so hard before. For the first time she could ever remember, she began to get uncomfortable in his gaze.
'Damn,' she thought, 'why did I have to dress like this?'
She let him study her for a few seconds longer, then broke the long silence.
"What's your first class again?"
He seemed to break free of his semi-trance and answered something incoherent. She was trying to think of something else to say when the bell rang, saving her from the embarrassing moment.
"Let's go," she suggested.
They walked in the direction of their classes, both right across the hall from each other, exchanging some talk and just trying to think of anything to say. Every morning when Kae walked into her 1st period art class, she felt a little lonely after being in the somewhat-powerful presence of Adam. She didn't know what it was; he just felt like he had so much hidden potential and possibly dangerous power. Maybe it was something like her eye magic.
Halfway through class, there was a loud knock on the door. The teacher, Ms. Holovoet, opened the door, and there stood the most beautiful creature Kae had ever beheld. But how odd! He looked exactly like a twin brother would. The same unruly black hair, same nose, same lips, and most startling of all, the same exact yellow-green eyes with the bit of cerulean around the edges. They looked each other in the eyes, and saw their souls reflected. In that small fraction of time, they understood every hardship of the other, every bad thought, every sad moment. They took on each other's sorrows and joys, and their being molded into one right in front of their eyes. In that moment, Kae forgot all thoughts of Adam and instead only concerned her whole being on this new one who had seemed to materialize.
Ms. Holovoet looked confused at the minimal interplay from both the new kid and Kae even though neither had moved or spoke or even done anything obvious at all. She judged it better to let them sit together lest they cause something to happen.
"Hi. My name is Reagan. I just moved here. The principal sent me over in this direction. This is my first class."
She directed him over to the table that Kae sat at and left to go back to the front of the room. Kae looked at Reagan interestedly, and he saw her identical eyes filled with questions.
"Not here, not now, but I will tell you everything you need to know soon," he whispered mysteriously.
She turned back to the front of class and tried to concentrate on her work. When the bell rang for the end of class, she turned to him with the same questioning eyes. He led her out of the room, past the astounded looks of Adam's friends, and past Adam's own hurt look. He tried to get her attention, but she didn't appear to hear or see him.
Reagan launched right into explanations of why he had come: "The Great Mother sent me to warn you and help you. You are in grave danger. Little do you know, there is a group, a cult if you will, of us, the dark beings with the yellow-green eyes. We call ourselves Animajerians. We are born randomly to parents throughout the world, specializing in mind control through our gaze. Ordinary humans fall into the trap of our trances. Only some other being with even slight magic can resist. The more powerful of us can fool even those with magical ability, but there are too few of us that powerful. Your new interest, Adam, I believe he calls himself now, is an evil breed of our close human cousins, called Frioliths. His sworn goal, since the beginning of time, has been to destroy as many Animajerians as he can. He magics himself into the form of an attractive teen and lures the youngest of ours who are unsuspecting and usually undiscovered by us. He will try and kill you. You can come and join our group and be sworn on your blood to stop all evil, or you can try and kill him on your own."
Kae looked at him with a startled gaze, and didn't even know what to think. It was too much for her to comprehend in so little time.
"I don't know; I need time to think about all of this,"
"Oh, you don't have to decide right away. I'm merely here for your protection against the Friolith." Reagan replied nonchalantly.
Kae seemed to go through the rest of her classes in a daze. She didn't have any other classes with Reagan, but she always saw him discreetly keeping an eye on her between every passing period. She didn't see Adam again either; maybe he was avoiding her. She didn't go looking for him. She had a lot to think about. Adam was trying to kill her? It made some small sense; after all he was a dark and mysterious person. She hadn't even bothered to research his background and find out anything about him. Now here was Reagan, supposedly trying to protect her. Against Adam? It was all too much. She was so confused. She just needed to be alone.
She ran out of school when the last bell rang and got in her car and left. She called her mom, and told her she was going to a friend's to study for a while. Kae then went to a place she hadn't visited in a long time: the Graveyard. As she was driving there, it began to get cloudy, and then misty. She hoped it wouldn't rain. As she pulled up, it began to rain lightly.
'Oh well, it's not like it matters that much if I get wet.'
She got out of her car and walked around, the damp slowly seeping into her clothing. She wound her way through the headstones, not really paying attention to where she was going, and ended up in front of a particular headstone. It read, "Here lies Alfred, loving husband, father, and friend. May he rest in eternal peace and paradise." The unwilling tears that had been forming all day finally spilled over her cheeks. She didn't want to see this headstone that had meaning to her. It was her father's. What could she tell him? How sorry she was that she hadn't come to visit him even though it was only his earthly remains and not his being buried in a box six feet under dirt? She crouched in the slowly forming mud, and sobbed like she couldn't bear living.
She stayed there for almost 15 minutes, sobbing and rocking back and forth, until she was startled by a familiar voice.
"Kae! Are you all right?"
She swiveled her head and saw through her nearly swollen-shut eyes Adam. She didn't know what to think. If he really was trying to kill her, now was his perfect chance. She was scared, but she intended to go down fighting as hard as she could. Adam looked genuinely concerned for her, and grabbed her arms and pulled her into a standing position. At once, he sensed her reluctance and stiffness, so he let go. He looked her in those beautiful eyes she had, and felt confused and not a little scared; her look was so piercing and full of mistrust that it alarmed him.
"What's wrong with you? I saw you this morning walking with some boy, and you looked upset. Tell me what's wrong. I want to help."
His pleading only made her more scared for her life. She didn't know what to do. He could kill her right here, right now, and nobody would know what happened. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but the only sound that came out was one strangled, whimpered word:
"Friolith..."
Immediately, Adam's look turned dark. His own eyes glowed with hate. He could barely get control of his own lips, and twist them to allow him to speak.
"Those...selfish bastards...how could they...they hate me...I thought I'd left them behind..."
He almost lost control. She could now see that his malice was for Reagan, and whomever he was working with. He disciplined himself to some form of calm, and explained.
"That one who calls himself Reagan, he is the one you need to watch out for. That cult of theirs, that is the trap they try to set on all who look like them. All humans have eye magic, some just feel it stronger than others. They recruit people who look like them. I try to save those who could fall victim to their trickery, like you. I'll bet almost anything that Reagan told you I would try to kill you, right?"
She nodded silently, her eyes threatening to let loose a flood of tears.
"Well, if I was trying to kill you and enslave your soul, don't you think I would have done it already?"
She didn't even bother to respond. She felt so torn and pulled apart. How could she answer a question like that?
"Would you like some proof? I can show you something that might convince you."
Without waiting for her, he pulled a crumpled-up paper out of his jacket. It was two pictures. The one on the top was of Adam, and a girl that looked like she could be his sister. Below that was a picture of a crime scene, with the little girl. she was laying on the bare floor of a house, and on the bare wall behind the body, was written, in what disgustingly looked like blood, were the words, 'Friolith in life, Animajerian in death. Be warned Adam!'
"They killed her because she wouldn't join their cult. She was so innocent, had no idea of the potential power that lurked everywhere around her. She was my little sister. They killed her in the ritual way, so her soul would become theirs. It makes them stronger in their pursuit of me. I don't want the same thing to happen to you. You're worth so much more to me and this world than to be so easily killed."
He said these last words looking at the ground. Kae could see tears that weren't hers plopping onto the paper. She grabbed his shaking hands, more to steady herself than him. He looked up at her, and for the first time, she tried to focus her ill-trained eyes onto him. The more she concentrated, the more she felt she was losing herself in his own body. She looked into his black eyes, and saw the world. She saw all of his hardships, fears, worries, dreams, hopes, and sorrows. She saw he was telling the truth. Instinctively, she knew this was what Reagan had allowed her to do, to some small extent, when they had first met. She knew also that only Adam could have allowed her access to all of those emotions and thoughts. She also saw his true feelings for her, although him allowing her to see his very being was as much of a hint as the actual feelings for her that she saw tangibly.
Unexpectedly, the connection broke. she was shocked, and almost stumbled and fell, but Adam caught her. She was so close to his face, she could see that his dark eyelashes were tipped with blonde. He had a similar look of shock on his face, which quickly turned to one of so many different emotions. She didn't know what was going through her head, except the very loud thought that she wanted him. Not to kiss him, not to hold him, not to sleep with him, but just him. Everything about him she wanted, and everything about him she could have. Without resistance, she allowed him to read her most insistent thoughts, and he smiled. She didn't know which one of them initiated that first touch of lips, but it was divine. At the time in her life when everything seemed the most helpless and unsettled and dangerous, here was Adam, lending a helping hand, and giving her his soul.
A fierce longing rose in Kae, and she could feel a similar commotion going on in Adam's body too. He whispered, "Not here...we can be found here."
"I have to go home anyway. My mom doesn't even know I'm here."
He wouldn't let her go home by herself, and he wasn't satisfied until he saw her in through the front door.
"Be careful Adam. I don't want you to get hurt because of me."
"You're something worth getting hurt for," he replied, then he walked off into the darkening street.
Kae could hardly believe it. She had gotten her wish, in a bizarre way. She had wanted Adam, but she had hardly expected for it to work out like this.
Her morning routine was much the same as before, with the rushing to look for clothes and hurriedly eating a breakfast that she didn't want. When she got to school, everyone was rushing around the parking lot, holding fistfuls of flyers. Flyers for a rave. A boy ran up to Kae and stuffed a few in her hand.
"There's a rave tonight! Everyone's going. It's supposed to be the best one of the year," he said loudly with wide, excited eyes.
He ran off to distribute more flyers, and Kae went to go find Adam. She held up her flyer as she walked up to him, and he grinned.
"Do you want to go?" She asked him.
"Hell yeah! I love raves! They're the greatest!"
"When should we leave?"
"It starts at 9 o'clock, right? Then we should probably leave around 8 since it'll take awhile to get out there and get in. Do you want me or you to drive?"
"I'll drive," Kae volunteered. "I don't like being in the passenger seat of a car."
Adam and Kae walked to class as usual, and then she froze right outside the door to her classroom. Reagan was in there. How could she face him and tell him that she did or didn’t believe him about Adam?
"I'm not going in there," she said with dread.
Adam gently pushed her into the classroom, whispering, "You have to. He'll get suspicious and he'll try something against you or me or both of us."
She reluctantly walked into the room, and slowly made her way to her table. She smiled at Reagan to keep his mind at ease, but the look on his face was enough to tell her that he knew everything about how she hadn't believed a word of what he'd said the day before. She said she had a headache and lay her head on the desk and hoped Reagan would leave her alone. He did, for the most part. She dozed a little, going in and out of reality.
Towards the end of class, she thought she heard a low whisper saying, "Watch out. You're going to get what you deserve, along with him!"
She turned towards him with questioning eyes, but he looked as if nothing had happened or been said.
The day went by quickly, and as Kae made her way home, she was trying to think up something she could tell her mom so she would be able to leave.
'I'll tell her I’m spending the night with one of my friends.'
Kae got into her car with an extra set of clothes, toothbrush, shoes, and some other unnecessary items she would need to have a night away from home. She met Adam outside of his house, and he ran out to the car when she drove up. He dove in the front seat, leaned over, and kissed her hard, all in one motion. She looked a little bit startled, and it made Adam laugh.
"Don’t worry baby, I just felt like I needed to do that,"
She shrugged a little, and said, "Lets get in a rave-mood,"
They drove towards the highway, while Adam browsed through her iPod looking for some good trance. He stopped on some ATB, and got out some glo-stix and started the repetitive hand motions of raving. They made their way along the roads until they got to the warehouse the rave was at. Kae parked and, grabbed two glo-stix and a tab of ecstasy, the only drug she would use, and rarely at that. She stood outside of her car, and Adam tossed her a bottle of orange juice to swallow it with. She took it, threw the bottle back into the car, and they both hurried to the front entrance. Adam was raving the whole time they waited in line, while Kea got a little jittery. They got inside, and looked around. The effects of the ex were starting; she could feel her blood get hot, her limbs get looser, and most of all, Adam standing close behind her, feeling the same thing.
He leaned close to her ear, and said, "Let's have some fun,"
She pulled the glo-stix from her pocket and cracked them. Once entwined in her fingers, she began those same repetitive motions and twists that make up raving.
"PUT YOUR HAND TOGETHER FOR YOUR DJ TONIGHT, DJ KASANOVA!" a voice said over the PA system. The DJ came out and stood at the turntables, and put on the first song; Ecstasy, by ATB. Kea and Adam both screamed wildly with the rest of the crowd, and started dancing.
Kae could hardly believe it. She had gotten her wish, in a bizarre way. She had wanted Adam, but she had hardly expected for it to work out like this.
Her morning routine was much the same as before, with the rushing to look for clothes and hurriedly eating a breakfast that she didn't want. When she got to school, everyone was rushing around the parking lot, holding fistfuls of flyers. Flyers for a rave. A boy ran up to Kae and stuffed a few in her hand.
"There's a rave tonight! Everyone's going. It's supposed to be the best one of the year," he said loudly with wide, excited eyes.
He ran off to distribute more flyers, and Kae went to go find Adam. She held up her flyer as she walked up to him, and he grinned.
"Do you want to go?" She asked him.
"Hell yeah! I love raves! They're the greatest!"
"When should we leave?"
"It starts at 9 o'clock, right? Then we should probably leave around 8 since it'll take awhile to get out there and get in. Do you want me or you to drive?"
"I'll drive," Kae volunteered. "I don't like being in the passenger seat of a car."
Adam and Kae walked to class as usual, and then she froze right outside the door to her classroom. Reagan was in there. How could she face him and tell him that she did or didn’t believe him about Adam?
"I'm not going in there," she said with dread.
Adam gently pushed her into the classroom, whispering, "You have to. He'll get suspicious and he'll try something against you or me or both of us."
She reluctantly walked into the room, and slowly made her way to her table. She smiled at Reagan to keep his mind at ease, but the look on his face was enough to tell her that he knew everything about how she hadn't believed a word of what he'd said the day before. She said she had a headache and lay her head on the desk and hoped Reagan would leave her alone. He did, for the most part. She dozed a little, going in and out of reality.
Towards the end of class, she thought she heard a low whisper saying, "Watch out. You're going to get what you deserve, along with him!"
She turned towards him with questioning eyes, but he looked as if nothing had happened or been said.
The day went by quickly, and as Kae made her way home, she was trying to think up something she could tell her mom so she would be able to leave.
'I'll tell her I’m spending the night with one of my friends.'
Kae got into her car with an extra set of clothes, toothbrush, shoes, and some other unnecessary items she would need to have a night away from home. She met Adam outside of his house, and he ran out to the car when she drove up. He dove in the front seat, leaned over, and kissed her hard, all in one motion. She looked a little bit startled, and it made Adam laugh.
"Don’t worry baby, I just felt like I needed to do that,"
She shrugged a little, and said, "Lets get in a rave-mood,"
They drove towards the highway, while Adam browsed through her iPod looking for some good trance. He stopped on some ATB, and got out some glo-stix and started the repetitive hand motions of raving. They made their way along the roads until they got to the warehouse the rave was at. Kae parked and, grabbed two glo-stix and a tab of ecstasy, the only drug she would use, and rarely at that. She stood outside of her car, and Adam tossed her a bottle of orange juice to swallow it with. She took it, threw the bottle back into the car, and they both hurried to the front entrance. Adam was raving the whole time they waited in line, while Kea got a little jittery. They got inside, and looked around. The effects of the ex were starting; she could feel her blood get hot, her limbs get looser, and most of all, Adam standing close behind her, feeling the same thing.
He leaned close to her ear, and said, "Let's have some fun,"
She pulled the glo-stix from her pocket and cracked them. Once entwined in her fingers, she began those same repetitive motions and twists that make up raving.
"PUT YOUR HAND TOGETHER FOR YOUR DJ TONIGHT, DJ KASANOVA!" a voice said over the PA system. The DJ came out and stood at the turntables, and put on the first song; Ecstasy, by ATB. Kea and Adam both screamed wildly with the rest of the crowd, and started dancing.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Why don't you want to do what you know you should do? The reason you don't is that you are in conflict with yourself.
-Tom Hopkins
A). Despite the many denials and shoot-downs from teens, all of us are locked in an internal conflict. I know I myself am in one. I have used this as an idea indirectly in many of my writing pieces. I love stories about mythical and magical worlds, but also about troubled teens leading the sort of lives I feel like I should lead because there's so many people who can't take the difficulties. I feel that I could somewhat handle them better, having an objective outlook on many things.
B). The conflict is between the main character and herself. So Woman vs. Herself. All she had wanted was a simple life and to have simple happiness. Until she finds that her mother is terminally ill, she starts going inward and focusing only on material things so as to not feel her pain to the fullest extent.
I). Sharing Electrons, by Rhiannon Conley
II). Woman vs. Herself
III). It turns the typical story of a guy trying to get a girl into a complicated and intricate idea, showing how deeply she feels her emotions and how she fears that they will interfere with her life, so she take great pains to hide it and numb herself from it.
IV). "When Tommy looked at her, tears were streamingfrom her eyes...He didn't know what to do because he had never seen Beth cry before. He watched her as she sniffled from under her scarf and stared out at the empty streets.
"She's dead," she whimpered.
Tommy put his arms around Beth and kissed her cold, wind-burned cheeks and she cried harder...Tommy usherd Beth into his truck and they went to her house. He held her hand tight and led her to her room. She fell into bed without taking off her snowy wet boots..."Tommy, please stay," she whispered.
2).
A). Sharing Electrons, by Rhiannon Conley
B). It's traditonal. It starts with Beth being the usual type of girl you could expect, but then things get worse when her mother is diagnosed with a brain tumor. Beth stops caring about her feelings and what she used to want and dream of, becuase she feels that it's all being taken away from her. She starts focusing on fashins and how to make herself more alluring. It becomes her obsession. Tommy eventually sees through her shield and begins to love the girl he knows is there, but can't see plainly. She finally realizes that she can't be the type of person she's trying to impersonate.
C). "That was how Beth had been operating since she moved to North Dakota. Dealing with her problems by running from them and toward the glossy pages of of fashion magazines...Before she moved to the north, she imagined ice-skating with a boy who would have soft kisses and Converse."
-Tom Hopkins
A). Despite the many denials and shoot-downs from teens, all of us are locked in an internal conflict. I know I myself am in one. I have used this as an idea indirectly in many of my writing pieces. I love stories about mythical and magical worlds, but also about troubled teens leading the sort of lives I feel like I should lead because there's so many people who can't take the difficulties. I feel that I could somewhat handle them better, having an objective outlook on many things.
B). The conflict is between the main character and herself. So Woman vs. Herself. All she had wanted was a simple life and to have simple happiness. Until she finds that her mother is terminally ill, she starts going inward and focusing only on material things so as to not feel her pain to the fullest extent.
I). Sharing Electrons, by Rhiannon Conley
II). Woman vs. Herself
III). It turns the typical story of a guy trying to get a girl into a complicated and intricate idea, showing how deeply she feels her emotions and how she fears that they will interfere with her life, so she take great pains to hide it and numb herself from it.
IV). "When Tommy looked at her, tears were streamingfrom her eyes...He didn't know what to do because he had never seen Beth cry before. He watched her as she sniffled from under her scarf and stared out at the empty streets.
"She's dead," she whimpered.
Tommy put his arms around Beth and kissed her cold, wind-burned cheeks and she cried harder...Tommy usherd Beth into his truck and they went to her house. He held her hand tight and led her to her room. She fell into bed without taking off her snowy wet boots..."Tommy, please stay," she whispered.
2).
A). Sharing Electrons, by Rhiannon Conley
B). It's traditonal. It starts with Beth being the usual type of girl you could expect, but then things get worse when her mother is diagnosed with a brain tumor. Beth stops caring about her feelings and what she used to want and dream of, becuase she feels that it's all being taken away from her. She starts focusing on fashins and how to make herself more alluring. It becomes her obsession. Tommy eventually sees through her shield and begins to love the girl he knows is there, but can't see plainly. She finally realizes that she can't be the type of person she's trying to impersonate.
C). "That was how Beth had been operating since she moved to North Dakota. Dealing with her problems by running from them and toward the glossy pages of of fashion magazines...Before she moved to the north, she imagined ice-skating with a boy who would have soft kisses and Converse."
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Publication
The piece that I'm bringing to publication is the story about a drug-torn family. As of yet it is untitled. I have completed it, but I'm still making minor corrections to it, such as punctuation and grammar.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Sting Lyrics
Young teacher, the subject,
Of schoolgirl fantasy.
She wants him, so badly,
Knows what she wants to be.
Inside her, there's longing,
This girls an open page.
Book marking, she's so close now!
This girl is half his age.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Her friends are so jealous,
You know how bad girls get.
Sometimes, it's not so easy,
To be the teachers pet.
Temptation, frustration,
So bad it makes him cry.
Wet bus stop, she's waiting,
His car is warm and dry.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Loose talk in the classroom,
To hurt they try and try.
Strong words in the staff room,
The accusations fly.
It's no use, he sees her.
He starts to shake and cough.
Just like the old man in,
That book by Nabakov.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me...
It's weird how music takes such an effect on our daily lives. You can associate a certain song with a certain time. These lyrics make a lot of sense to me. It's often how I feel about someone; being near them makes me want to shudder with desire. The line "temptation, frustration" really desribes it all. Even though this song is about a teacher and a student, the thoughts and feelings are the same. Sting is a genius.
Of schoolgirl fantasy.
She wants him, so badly,
Knows what she wants to be.
Inside her, there's longing,
This girls an open page.
Book marking, she's so close now!
This girl is half his age.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Her friends are so jealous,
You know how bad girls get.
Sometimes, it's not so easy,
To be the teachers pet.
Temptation, frustration,
So bad it makes him cry.
Wet bus stop, she's waiting,
His car is warm and dry.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Loose talk in the classroom,
To hurt they try and try.
Strong words in the staff room,
The accusations fly.
It's no use, he sees her.
He starts to shake and cough.
Just like the old man in,
That book by Nabakov.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me.
Don't stand, don't stand so,
Don't stand so close to me...
It's weird how music takes such an effect on our daily lives. You can associate a certain song with a certain time. These lyrics make a lot of sense to me. It's often how I feel about someone; being near them makes me want to shudder with desire. The line "temptation, frustration" really desribes it all. Even though this song is about a teacher and a student, the thoughts and feelings are the same. Sting is a genius.
Friday, September 08, 2006
RANT!
How can they expect me to change so much in only a bit more than a week? I've tried, honestly I have. I've stopped doing everything they told me to, I've been forbidden the use of my car, I don't party anymore, I've been concentrating on school. I can't do anymore than I'm already doing! Why do parents always expect instant results from something tht takes almost a month to take full effect? I can't be clean for a drug test in less than a month, I can't be expected to take insults silently and not voice my opinions when they give my younger brother the kind of privileges that I could only dream about. I guess you could say most of this stems from the jelousy of my favored little brother. I know my sister felt the same way about him too, but it didn't effect her as much as it does me, simply because of their age difference. Look at it this way: My sister unwillingly gave us rides to school, but she did anyway, with lots of complaining. She couls have given me rides to school and come picked me up when I was without a car for my first year of high school. but she didn't. I had to ride the bus, and then the late bus during soccer season. And now my senior year is just short of ruined because of my dabilitating jelousy for my brother. I am forced give him rides to and from school, I can't give anyone a ride without him reporting to my mom because he has just as much animosity towards me, and I can't live my life anymore, all because of him. Now, this may sound like it all comes from my side, and that he didn't ever do a thing to deserve this treatment from me, but even if it does, I don't give a shit. I've heard my whole life, be nice to your brother, don't be mean, don't talk to him like that, nothing but don't don't don't! Not once, ever, did my parents stop to think about how their two daughters were being ignored. All of it was always focused on him. Not once, ever, did my dad stop to think about how favoring my brother with his attention would create this monster that he blames me for becoming. Not once, ever, did my mom stop to think that allowing her son to run wild was the same as allowing me to run wild. I was the one who was always in the wrong, I never did anything right.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
My Happy Place
Written August 23, 2006 in class.
Added 9/6/06.
Added 9/11/06.
Added 9/12/06.
ONE DAY
My life goes on. I live. Mother and Father fight. He yells and she just sits there, her eyes spitting sparks almost real enough to burn the hardwood floor, and yet refusing to look up or make any sound for fear of getting hit. We're all like that too; me, Abby, and James. Father shouts, we look down and stay quiet. It's no wonder we find Mother alone in thier bedroom, lying there, her unfoucused eyes glazed over, a weird slackness to her features. Tightly wound around her upper-arm is a bright pink bandana. We know better than to bother her now; this is her only escape from her abusive marriage. Abby follows suit with her own escape of razor blades, glass straws, and little bags of hellish snow-white powder. James leaves to find solace in the bed of his girlfriend. I myself lock the door to my room and induldge in rainbow-colored pils with comical names.
ANOTHER DAY
Mother got taken to the hospital this morning. Father hasn't been home since last night. Abby found her at 3 in the morning collasped on the floor, not breathing. I called 911. Everyone is gone. I went into my parents room and frowned as I walked through the door at the mess and the smell. Clothing strewn all over, a sharp odor that could have been rubbing alcohol, the tools of Mother's heroin bliss, and the telltale scent of burned marijuana. I shoved her incriminating items into her matching bright pink sack and pulled out the secret dresser drawer. I noticed with disgust Father's personal stash: a collection of whitish-yellow chunks and a small glass pipe. My eyes blurry with unsheld tears, I got off my knees, ran to the bathroom and flushed it all down the drain. Father already had enough poison in his blood without this. I retreated to my room again to search for something, anything, to distract my mind from this living Hell. I found something sufficient: orange BiC lighter, red-and-blue swirled glass piece, and sticky buds, all locked safely in my box under the bed. I huddled crouched in the corner of my dark room, searching in vain for comfort in this evil place through my artificial happiness. Jumbled thoughts rushed through my head...what am I going to do?...is Mother safe?...how will I survive?...
Moans of anguish escaped from my traitorous lips, along with tears streaming down my cheeks to make little round dots of wetness on my jeans. My hands trembled too much to control the lighter, so I gave up my quest for that artificial calm.
SOME OTHER DAY
Father hasn't been heard from in 4 days. Mother is still in the hospital, but getting better. The doctors give her medication to keep her from her cravings. Abby has a job and can foot the bills until we know what's going to happen. James shows up every now and then with red eyes and reeking of liquor and in a bad mood, uncaring as to what will happen to us. He got even angrier when he saw my dialated pupils and smelled the stale smoke clinging to my hair. I'm past caring what he thinks, the stupid hypocrite, coming home and telling me I can't do what he's been doing since the age of 13. Other than that, I'm the only one home. None of us has been going to school; I think even Abby dropped out of her college classes to work full time.
NEXT DAY
The police showed up at the front door this morning. I was alone in the house. I thought one of the neighbors had called them after hearing the comotion for a week. They questioned me a the door about my father's whereabouts, and when I told them he had left and hadn't been seen again, their frowning faces told me everything.
"I'm sorry," one of them said, "Your father was found late last night on 5th St. bridge. He was hit by a car. I appears to have been suicide."
I turned away from them, and walked away from the open front door. I had no tears to shed for such a monster who was better off dead.I think the officers closed the door and left to come back later. I retreated to my room, that dimly lit box where I suffered. The tears the eventually came were not for him, but for the fear of what was going to happen to the rest of my family. Abby is the only one to support us. Mother is likely to kick James out of the house because he does nothing to help and only causes trouble.
She won't let me drop out of school; I'm only a junior. She's said in the past that I need to get a full education and graduate, no matter the things that go on at home. I know she's right, but school is tourture. I don't even talk to anybody. I go, I learn, I suffer. Not even the seductive curve of my face can make the guys look. I'm invisible to them. My tight jeans, small shirts, painstakingly styled hair, carefully applied make-up, it's all wasted on them. I look at them through my green-blue eyes, and they look through me, not at me. Nobody ever sees me.
SOME OTHER DAY
Mother's come home at last. The police visited her in the hospital and told her the news. She was sad, but not regretful. She told them it was for the best. They asked her why she hadn't reported the abuse, and she told them that Father had threatened to take us away from her. He had the leverage in court, he yelled at her when she was brave enough to cross him. He told her that he would take us away and she would never see us again. She believed him. There were no charges to be brought against any of us for his death, since we all had alabis and he'd left a suicide note, saying that he couldn't bear the burden of a family any longer. No appology, no regrets about his treatment of us, only ever thinking of himself and his selfishness. I hate him, and I always will. We're all better off without him.
I went back to my parents' room again, got on my knees, and pulled out the secret drawer, only to find that it was empty. I went to find Mother to ask her where everything was; her only response was a smile. She had thrown everything away. A good start, I would say, to a new chapter in our lives as a broken but recovering family. A very good start.
Added 9/6/06.
Added 9/11/06.
Added 9/12/06.
ONE DAY
My life goes on. I live. Mother and Father fight. He yells and she just sits there, her eyes spitting sparks almost real enough to burn the hardwood floor, and yet refusing to look up or make any sound for fear of getting hit. We're all like that too; me, Abby, and James. Father shouts, we look down and stay quiet. It's no wonder we find Mother alone in thier bedroom, lying there, her unfoucused eyes glazed over, a weird slackness to her features. Tightly wound around her upper-arm is a bright pink bandana. We know better than to bother her now; this is her only escape from her abusive marriage. Abby follows suit with her own escape of razor blades, glass straws, and little bags of hellish snow-white powder. James leaves to find solace in the bed of his girlfriend. I myself lock the door to my room and induldge in rainbow-colored pils with comical names.
ANOTHER DAY
Mother got taken to the hospital this morning. Father hasn't been home since last night. Abby found her at 3 in the morning collasped on the floor, not breathing. I called 911. Everyone is gone. I went into my parents room and frowned as I walked through the door at the mess and the smell. Clothing strewn all over, a sharp odor that could have been rubbing alcohol, the tools of Mother's heroin bliss, and the telltale scent of burned marijuana. I shoved her incriminating items into her matching bright pink sack and pulled out the secret dresser drawer. I noticed with disgust Father's personal stash: a collection of whitish-yellow chunks and a small glass pipe. My eyes blurry with unsheld tears, I got off my knees, ran to the bathroom and flushed it all down the drain. Father already had enough poison in his blood without this. I retreated to my room again to search for something, anything, to distract my mind from this living Hell. I found something sufficient: orange BiC lighter, red-and-blue swirled glass piece, and sticky buds, all locked safely in my box under the bed. I huddled crouched in the corner of my dark room, searching in vain for comfort in this evil place through my artificial happiness. Jumbled thoughts rushed through my head...what am I going to do?...is Mother safe?...how will I survive?...
Moans of anguish escaped from my traitorous lips, along with tears streaming down my cheeks to make little round dots of wetness on my jeans. My hands trembled too much to control the lighter, so I gave up my quest for that artificial calm.
SOME OTHER DAY
Father hasn't been heard from in 4 days. Mother is still in the hospital, but getting better. The doctors give her medication to keep her from her cravings. Abby has a job and can foot the bills until we know what's going to happen. James shows up every now and then with red eyes and reeking of liquor and in a bad mood, uncaring as to what will happen to us. He got even angrier when he saw my dialated pupils and smelled the stale smoke clinging to my hair. I'm past caring what he thinks, the stupid hypocrite, coming home and telling me I can't do what he's been doing since the age of 13. Other than that, I'm the only one home. None of us has been going to school; I think even Abby dropped out of her college classes to work full time.
NEXT DAY
The police showed up at the front door this morning. I was alone in the house. I thought one of the neighbors had called them after hearing the comotion for a week. They questioned me a the door about my father's whereabouts, and when I told them he had left and hadn't been seen again, their frowning faces told me everything.
"I'm sorry," one of them said, "Your father was found late last night on 5th St. bridge. He was hit by a car. I appears to have been suicide."
I turned away from them, and walked away from the open front door. I had no tears to shed for such a monster who was better off dead.I think the officers closed the door and left to come back later. I retreated to my room, that dimly lit box where I suffered. The tears the eventually came were not for him, but for the fear of what was going to happen to the rest of my family. Abby is the only one to support us. Mother is likely to kick James out of the house because he does nothing to help and only causes trouble.
She won't let me drop out of school; I'm only a junior. She's said in the past that I need to get a full education and graduate, no matter the things that go on at home. I know she's right, but school is tourture. I don't even talk to anybody. I go, I learn, I suffer. Not even the seductive curve of my face can make the guys look. I'm invisible to them. My tight jeans, small shirts, painstakingly styled hair, carefully applied make-up, it's all wasted on them. I look at them through my green-blue eyes, and they look through me, not at me. Nobody ever sees me.
SOME OTHER DAY
Mother's come home at last. The police visited her in the hospital and told her the news. She was sad, but not regretful. She told them it was for the best. They asked her why she hadn't reported the abuse, and she told them that Father had threatened to take us away from her. He had the leverage in court, he yelled at her when she was brave enough to cross him. He told her that he would take us away and she would never see us again. She believed him. There were no charges to be brought against any of us for his death, since we all had alabis and he'd left a suicide note, saying that he couldn't bear the burden of a family any longer. No appology, no regrets about his treatment of us, only ever thinking of himself and his selfishness. I hate him, and I always will. We're all better off without him.
I went back to my parents' room again, got on my knees, and pulled out the secret drawer, only to find that it was empty. I went to find Mother to ask her where everything was; her only response was a smile. She had thrown everything away. A good start, I would say, to a new chapter in our lives as a broken but recovering family. A very good start.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
I hate his name, Jonathan. Hearing it makes me want to spit in his face and watch his eyes take in mine, smoldering with flames of utter disgust. The fact that I am still physically attracted to him makes me want to cry, for nothing, nothing, could ever redeem him. He doesn't care at all; I don't even think he knows of my rage at him. One day, he'll walk by me at the wrong moment, and he'll be sorry that he ever fucked up. He'll be sorry that he made me cry, sorry that he made me laugh, sorry that he made me into the kind of person I am now. I can never again trust any guy without some suspicion, all because of him, and how he threw my trust against the wall regardless of the consequences. I hate him and love him at the same time, which in the end makes my hate stronger.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
How many days does it take to know love? It's almost an unanswerable question. Some think they know; after all, they usually are hopelessly in love. Just that word, love, is so many different emotions tied together, yet that is the actual essence of love, not really knowing how it feels, but instinctively feeling and knowing it. I guess you could say some of us have known love, sort of, but often it is mistaken for lust, two completely different things. By common consent, you cannot know love without lust, which usually makes any situation worse, by throwing in that unnecessary complication. It's weird how when things fall appart, that the one you "love" and who knew you almost better than yourself ends up hating you or vice versa. The numerous tales of the ex-boyfriends and -girlfriends, best-friends-turned-enemies, and estranged family members, are usually the ones you knew and loved the best.
Friday, August 25, 2006
SNAPSHOT
I was born and babtized in the old ways, half-forgotten and forbidden. All my relatives and a few trusted friends appeared for this momentous occasion. My mother's father, Alan, presided over the rituals as Head Priest. The great hall of our manor, filled with dancing shimmers of color from the pure Myrounian light filtering in through the stained-glass windows high in the walls, showed the smile and grins shared by the whole collection of my family. I was carried by my cousin Alexis, dressed in an elaborate cloth-of-silver robe, and set upon the altar for the cerimonial creatin of a new Star.
My Happy Place
Written August 23, 2006 in class.
ONE DAY
My life goes on. I live. Mother and Father fight. He yells and she just sits there, her eyes spitting sparks almost real enough to burn the hardwood floor, and yet refusing to look up or make any sound for fear of getting hit. We're all like that too; me, Abby, and James. Father shouts, we look down and stay quiet. It's no wonder we find Mother alone in thier bedroom, lying there, her unfoucused eyes glazed over, a weird slackness to her features. Tightly wound around her upper-arm is a bright pink bandana. We know better than to bother her now; this is her only escape from her abusive marriage. Abby follows suit with her own escape of razor blades, glass straws, and little bags of that hellish snow-white powder. James leaves to find solace in the bed of his girlfriend. I myself lock the door to my room and induldge in rainbow-colored pils with comical names.
ANOTHER DAY
Mother got taken to the hospital this morning. Father hasn't been home since last night. Abby found her at 3 in the morning collasped on the floor, not breathing. I called 911. Everyone is gone. -snapshot- I went into my parents room and frowned as I walked through the door at the mess and the smell. Clothing strewn all over, a sharp odor that could have been rubbing alcohol, the tools of Mother's heroin bliss, and the telltale scent of marijuana. -end snapshot- I shoved her incriminating items into a sack and pulled out the secret dresser drawer. I noticed with disgust Father's personal stash: a collection of whitish-yellow chunks and a small glass pipe. My eyes blurry with unsheld tears, I flushed it all down the drain. Father already had enough poison in his blood without this. I retreated to my room again to search for something, anything, to distract my mind from this living Hell. I found something sufficient: orange BiC lighter, red and blue-swirled glass piece, and sticky greenery, all locked safely in my box.
SOME OTHER DAY
Father hasn't been heard from in 4 days. Mother is still in the hospital, but getting better. The doctors give her medication to keep her from her cravings. Abby has a job and can foot the bills until we know what's going to happen. James shows up every now and then with red eyes and reeking of liquor and in a bad mood, uncaring as to what will happen to us. He got even angrier when he saw my dialated pupils and smelled the stale smoke clinging to my hair. I'm past caring what he thinks, the stupid hypocrite, coming home and telling me I can't do what he's been doing since the age of 13.
ONE DAY
My life goes on. I live. Mother and Father fight. He yells and she just sits there, her eyes spitting sparks almost real enough to burn the hardwood floor, and yet refusing to look up or make any sound for fear of getting hit. We're all like that too; me, Abby, and James. Father shouts, we look down and stay quiet. It's no wonder we find Mother alone in thier bedroom, lying there, her unfoucused eyes glazed over, a weird slackness to her features. Tightly wound around her upper-arm is a bright pink bandana. We know better than to bother her now; this is her only escape from her abusive marriage. Abby follows suit with her own escape of razor blades, glass straws, and little bags of that hellish snow-white powder. James leaves to find solace in the bed of his girlfriend. I myself lock the door to my room and induldge in rainbow-colored pils with comical names.
ANOTHER DAY
Mother got taken to the hospital this morning. Father hasn't been home since last night. Abby found her at 3 in the morning collasped on the floor, not breathing. I called 911. Everyone is gone. -snapshot- I went into my parents room and frowned as I walked through the door at the mess and the smell. Clothing strewn all over, a sharp odor that could have been rubbing alcohol, the tools of Mother's heroin bliss, and the telltale scent of marijuana. -end snapshot- I shoved her incriminating items into a sack and pulled out the secret dresser drawer. I noticed with disgust Father's personal stash: a collection of whitish-yellow chunks and a small glass pipe. My eyes blurry with unsheld tears, I flushed it all down the drain. Father already had enough poison in his blood without this. I retreated to my room again to search for something, anything, to distract my mind from this living Hell. I found something sufficient: orange BiC lighter, red and blue-swirled glass piece, and sticky greenery, all locked safely in my box.
SOME OTHER DAY
Father hasn't been heard from in 4 days. Mother is still in the hospital, but getting better. The doctors give her medication to keep her from her cravings. Abby has a job and can foot the bills until we know what's going to happen. James shows up every now and then with red eyes and reeking of liquor and in a bad mood, uncaring as to what will happen to us. He got even angrier when he saw my dialated pupils and smelled the stale smoke clinging to my hair. I'm past caring what he thinks, the stupid hypocrite, coming home and telling me I can't do what he's been doing since the age of 13.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
I Go Back To October 2005
I had to write a poem based on a picture from my life for AP English 4, copying the tone and form of a Sharon Olds poem, I Go Back to May 1937.
I see them arund the fire,
I see Anthony try to control it,
flames lick around the dry stick,
the bark falling into the powerful inferno,
I see me with an ignorant grin,
my world still happy and untouched,
the cool October breeze washing over all of us,
we don't know it's about to get worse,
we are naive in our own minds.
I would say Stop! but how else will we learn?
I would say Jonathan's the wrong one,
he will bring nothing but misery,
you will do things never done,
you will cry, you will ache,
you will want to die.
I want to go up to them,
on that dark October night,
looking into those innocent faces,
wishing they would understand. But I can't.
I need that pain, I need that suffering.
I watch the events unfold with
drunken parties, floating in the clouds,
and nights of pure ecstacy.
What will happen will happen,
and I will tell about it.
I see them arund the fire,
I see Anthony try to control it,
flames lick around the dry stick,
the bark falling into the powerful inferno,
I see me with an ignorant grin,
my world still happy and untouched,
the cool October breeze washing over all of us,
we don't know it's about to get worse,
we are naive in our own minds.
I would say Stop! but how else will we learn?
I would say Jonathan's the wrong one,
he will bring nothing but misery,
you will do things never done,
you will cry, you will ache,
you will want to die.
I want to go up to them,
on that dark October night,
looking into those innocent faces,
wishing they would understand. But I can't.
I need that pain, I need that suffering.
I watch the events unfold with
drunken parties, floating in the clouds,
and nights of pure ecstacy.
What will happen will happen,
and I will tell about it.
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